Friends to Enemies in a Split Second

Written by Lori Joiner, featured in the Hola Katy Magazine
https://holakaty.com/2019/04/16/friends-to-enemies-in-a-split-second/

I’m in the phase of life where my children are best friends one minute and enemies the next! They can be playing well together, laughing and having a good time. Then, in a split second, one offends the other in some small way and you would think the world was coming to an end!

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I love spending time with Josh, 10, and Jake, 8; however, there are times when their arguing over silly matters is really draining to me. Can you relate?

Over the years, however, I have developed three systems to greatly curb the fighting between them and help me maintain peace.

Three Tips to Maintain Peace and Have FUN with your Kids:

1. The Leader Chart. I simply take a calendar and mark each day with one of their names. April 1 — Josh, April 2 — Jake, April 3 — Josh, April 4 — Jake and so on. So when they begin to fight over who gets to watch a particular cartoon on TV, I simply say, “Who is the leader?” They run to the refrigerator (where I keep the calendar hung) and declare who the leader is. Whoever is the leader chooses the cartoon to watch. When they begin to fight over who gets to pick a game to play, I say, “Who is the leader?” The leader always chooses first, goes first, etc. No longer am I the referee. Whatever they are fighting about, I only respond by asking, “Who is the leader?”
2. The Activity Worksheet. Weekends, holidays and summer days can sometimes lead to bored days. I wish my kids could always just dream up in their heads activities for the day to keep them occupied, but they can’t. And I refuse to give them iPads all day long. There are times where they need a little help and incentive. This is where the Activity Worksheet saves the day! I list out for them things to do such as 25 jumping jacks, 50 basketball shots, empty the dishwasher, create a drawing for Grandma, and even hugs for mom! I write these down on a sheet of paper and they begin to check off each item. It keeps them busy for hours, they earn money ($3 upon completion) and I get PEACE! I have attached one of my favorite lists for you to use.
3. Summer Fun List.  At the start of each summer — literally the day after school gets out — the boys and I create our Summer Fun List. We make a GIANT list (on butcher paper pinned to the wall) of all types of activities we hope to do over the summer. I write each one down with a box beside it. We brainstorm going skating, going to parks to play, going to the neighborhood pool to swim, visiting cousins, going to the beach, seeing a movie, etc. We love seeing how many we actually crossed off our list when the summer is finished. And when they begin to fight over who gets to cross off a particular time, guess what I say? “Who’s the leader?!”

Being a mom can be tough! While none of us would ever trade this role in our children’s lives, there are days where we are at our wits end. I hope that these tips will help you thrive as a mom, not just survive!

Lori Joiner is the author of “Empieza Aqui Seis Lecciones Fundamentales Para Crecer En Cristo.” She has a special place in her heart for women to have the tools in their hands to be great moms! You can find out more about her ministry to women at LoriJoinerMinistries.org.